I Dream

I dream of a day that I no longer start shaking at the thought of responsibility
A day when I will rise to the challenge of raising four kids and being salt and light in this world without feeling at the mercy of my emotions
I dream of relishing the thought of organising my household, cooking, cleaning, fixing, teaching, planning, rather than dreading it
I dream of reading the Word with anticipation, knowing that I can line up my days with it’s rich supply of purpose, passion and adventure, rather than just sucking from it a glimmer of hope, a spark of joy, and a taste of peace
I dream of talking excitedly with God about His plans for tomorrow, rather than begging Him to show me how to cope today...how to cope right now
I dream of having ideas and knowing I’ll be capable of following them through
I dream of having the capacity to help carry someone else’s load
I dream of blessing my friends and family in the way they deserve
I dream of living once more

The Bird Who Lost It's Song

There was once a bird who woke one morning to find she had lost her voice. As she cocked her head and opened her beak, no morning melody emerged. All day long she tried again and again with no result. Where had it gone? No one could tell her. Her silence continued on and on for days. Soon it seemed other birds began to forget she was even there. Her usual routine of time with the flock began to wane as they went about their flying and foraging without her. She realised she would need to strengthen herself before she became an easy target for prey, but venturing out on her own was risky. Days turned into months and she was finally forced to emerge from the safety of familiar trees into the open woods. To her surprise, she soon stumbled upon small collections of food hidden in the hollow of trees along the way. The other birds had been leaving a little extra behind each time they’d headed out foraging. In excitement she cocked her head and let out a song of praise!

Matthew 6:26, 27 - “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”

Nothing Like Your Love - Music Video

Thought that how I lived was right
Kept Your ways, I fought the fight
Thought that I would be alright
But I’m weak when day turns night

Thought that I could keep me safe
Building walls and locking gates
Staying on the path that’s straight
Still I find I need Your grace

There’s nothing like Your love
Nothing comes close
Nothing fills my inner cry
Except Your heart enfolding mine
Nothing comes close
There’s nothing like Your love

Thought that how I lived was right
Kept Your ways, I fought the fight
Thought that I would be alright
But I’m weak when day turns night

Thought that I could keep me safe
Building walls and locking gates
Staying on the path that’s straight
Still I find I need Your grace

There’s nothing like Your love
Nothing comes close
Nothing fills my inner cry
Except Your heart enfolding mine
Nothing comes close
There’s nothing like Your love

You never said it would be easy
You never said it wouldn’t hurt
But You said You’d be there
And You were

There’s nothing like Your love
Nothing comes close
Nothing fills my inner cry
Except Your heart enfolding mine
Nothing comes close
There’s nothing like Your love

Spinning Plates Part 2

I am standing in a room
Full of spinning plates
Suspended on thin poles
I swiftly run from one pole to the next
Tap, tap, tap
‘Keep them spinning!
Don’t let them fall!’
Who's saying that?
Just me
I hear another voice
‘Wait, I’ve got this one’
‘But who’s got that one?’
I reply, pointing at a plate
‘I’ve got them all - you just take that one’
I look up and the plate above my head
Is wobbling erratically
I reach up and it straightens
‘Is this all? Is this all you want?’
‘Just keep it spinning, they’re waiting for you’
I expect Him to point at all the other plates
Instead I now see only four small children
My babies
With teary eyes I say
‘I’ve let them down now’
‘No, I’m holding them too
They’re not waiting for you to save them
They’re waiting for you to enjoy them’
‘But this world is not good for them
I can’t make them strong enough
This world needs changing’
‘That’s my job too’
Now I really cry
‘Why can’t I even enjoy my kids?’
‘It’s ok, they’re just waiting
Let me help you with that too’
He reaches His hand out to mine
And takes the plate from above my head
It fits in the palm of His hand
I see my children smile and laugh
‘Come on Mum, let’s play’

Spinning Plates

I am standing in a room
Full of spinning plates
Suspended on thin poles
I swiftly run from one pole to the next
Tap, tap, tap
Keep them spinning!
Dont let them fall!
Who's saying that?
Just me
I don't know why
Why do I think they're all about to fall
At any moment?
I don't know why
Why do I think it's my role
To keep them up?
I don't know
Who will release me?
I know that You will
You will release me
From myself it seems

Quarantine

What comes out of me now?
Unpolished, raw emotions
Crying for help
To anyone with answers
I can no longer sit
With you and be silent
So I stay away
Locked in my pain
My Lord needs to fix me
So you’re no longer tainted

So I Run

I’m supposed to not worry
But I don’t know what I’m worrying about
I’m supposed to rest
But what am I resting from?
My hands shake for no reason
My thoughts are disjointed, unrelated, unfocused
I can’t remember how I lived all those days before
I worship and I read the Word
It’s truth is deep and my hope is clear
There will be days of peace and strength once more
All will be understood
When you’re relearning how to communicate
When you’re trying to remember what makes sense
To think and feel and say
When the usual things become a task to relearn
Rest is sleep
But when sleep is far
What rest is there?
So I run
And when I run I am free
Reaching the next mark
Is all the concern I need
And my mind is rewarded
And I rest

Care

One day my heart will care again
My mind relearn to comprehend
What depth and width
How long, how high
My Saviour's love
His heart-felt cry
And then I'll soar
I'll care once more
And this, my friend
This gloom will end